What is normal anyway?

I spend many of my days (especially in the morning) sitting in my red leather chair - also known as my "command center!" As I sit there, I fold clothes, read, listen to my IPhone or watch TV (my boys laugh at me because it is usually the lifetime or hallmark channels) all that being said, I often ask myself, Why can't I just be normal?

What is normal anyway? Most moms read and fold clothes, I just have to have mine brought to my "command center."

Well for those of you who have known me for a while, you know that this is not normal for me! I would rather be hanging out with friends or teenagers, having tons of people over, for me there is always a reason to have a party!

Well I must say that I am having some normal feelings. I am directing the play for the Community Homeshoolers and I am having a blast!

Last night I was having a slight episode at practice and they just laughed right along with me, and for that two and half hours, I was normal :)

I can not thank them and the steering committee enough for this normalcy that they are giving me and I only pray that I can do them justice!

Besides, what is normal for me may not be normal for you...what is normal anyway?

Thimble full of grace

When I wrote several days ago, asking to be a good student as I travel this path and truly have God "Teach me thy way" I was not expecting the events that followed.

As I have written before, I have good days and bad days and some that I would rather forget.

Well it seems that since that last post, my days have been kinda rough. I have had some falls, some episodes that seem to last all day, unable to walk or talk for hours.

As I was recapping my days with someone on Sunday and describing that I was trying to suffer well and look for moments of God's grace in my life, how I could be a better wife and mother, their comment was that you may have just had a "thimble full of grace" and you were wanting more.

That really struck me. It is true, I am always expecting more, more from my boys, more from myself when sometimes just that thimble full of grace will sustain me, and that is all I need.

May I recognize that thimble and fall of the grace God is giving me. Sometimes a thimble is all I need, and that I am thankful for.

Teach me Thy way, O Lord, teach me Thy way!
Thy guiding grace afford, teach me Thy way!
Help me to walk aright, more by faith, less by sight;
Lead me with heav'nly light, teach me Thy way!

May God's grace always lead me as I travel this road.

Joy

James 1:2 "Consider it all joy when you face trials of many kinds"

What is joy?
As I look in the dictionary these are the definitions that I find:

1. great happiness: feelings of great happiness or pleasure, especially of an elevated or spiritual kind
2. something that brings happiness: a pleasurable aspect of something or source of happiness

I often feel that it has been a long time since I have truly felt joy or great happiness. Smiling is easy but true joy is hard. As I think of true joy and my entry yesterday, I am wondering if I can truly be a great mom and wife without true joy? I can say that I don't often find true joy in my situation, I find it easier to be frustrated. I know that in my attitudes, I am sinning. However, true joy does not come from being a great mom or wife but truly understanding the gospel. I am much worse than I think I am yet God has saved me! I can find joy in that!

As I contemplate the second verse of the hymn "Teach Me Thy Way" I need to look closer at my Saviour and learn of his ways.

When I am sad at heart, teach me Thy way!
When earthly joys depart, teach me Thy way!
In hours of loneliness, in times of dire distress,
In failure or success, teach me Thy way!

Today is almost over, Dave is working and it is just me and the boys.
Lord make this a joyful evening! and may joy truly fill my heart as I face the days ahead!

What to do about it?

For me, life is not going to change, unless God in His sovereign will heals me or allows doctors to find a cure, so what am I to do about it?

Well last night, I just went to bed and when Dave asked me what I was doing I said "I am watching TV, I don't feel like dealing with the real world right now." I was coming out of a bad episode where I had not been able to talk or walk for several hours, this whole time I was trying to watch my son play goalie for his ice hockey team, I was very frustrated!!!

As I came into the house, I just went to bed with tears in my eyes frustrated that this is my life now and it is not going to change! I now have daily episodes and often one or two a day. Mornings are always hard and sometimes I get a break and the late afternoon and evenings are better, I just can't go very late.

So for me, life is not going to change. That being the case, how do I be a good wife and a mother and not focus on myself at all times? I am not sure. I will be thinking about that and sharing some of my thoughts over the next several days.

Teach Me Thy Way, O Lord

Teach me Thy way, O Lord, teach me Thy way!
Thy guiding grace afford, teach me Thy way!
Help me to walk aright, more by faith, less by sight;
Lead me with heav'nly light, teach me Thy way!

When I am sad at heart, teach me Thy way!
When earthly joys depart, teach me Thy way!
In hours of loneliness, in times of dire distress,
In failure or success, teach me Thy way!

When doubts and fears arise, teach me Thy way!
When storms o'erspread the skies, teach me Thy way!
Shine through the cloud and rain, through sorrow, toil and pain;
Make Thou my pathway plain, teach me Thy way!

Long as my life shall last, teach me Thy way!
Where'er my lot be cast, teach me Thy way!
Until the race is run, until the journey's done,
Until the crown is won, teach me Thy way!

May I be be a good student dear Lord